The Alice Story Headed to Silver Screen?

A pretty accurate fictionalized film of Sarah Palin's journey from Alaska and Arizona to the top spot in The Tea Party of Wonderland?  You betcha.

Blog favorite, Megan Fox is attached to play the lead, The Alice, as a slightly shorter (in centimeters),  much smarter dresser (in square centimeters), more literate (in tattooed words) version of the real fictional character.

(This blog is too humble to reveal who wrote the original 23-word screenplay, even while the sequel "Drill Babies BP Cavalcade of 2010" is stuck, really stuck, on page two.)

Lindsay One-Name had originally been tagged as The Alice, but her rigorous, nightclub-and-alley-centric training for her Linda Lovelace vehicle seemed to have her slurring her screen-test line readings.

Ms Fox snagged the choice role on the strength of her work in "Jennifer's Body", in which she played a similar character, and her running body in "Transformers Two.

The challenge for Ms. Fox is to play The Alice beginning in her youth, as the perky point-guard nicknamed "the Barbie-cuda", through her triumph as Miss Gnome (Wasilla being way too hard to pronounce with a sexy giggle), to her stint the cheer captian for a snow-mobiling Dude sponsored by BP.  Ms. Fox is fascinated with playing The Alice as a donkey-skinning, ultra-farsighted politician, but is mostly “thrilled to get to run for Vice President with that old beer salesman guy from Panama Mr. Obama beat.”

It is a true American tale of the transformation of a short, small free-country girl to an indomitable presence towering over the nation's political landscape like the Colossus Helios did the island of Rhodes.  Before it fell over.

The A-list role has its perks.  “It is fun flying in private jets, eating at six-star restaurants and staying in penthouse suites,” actress Fox said.  “But I miss Olive Garden and I sneak out for a few bread sticks sometimes.  You really need a napkin with all the garlic.  I bring one from the hotel.”

“I won't be getting those after a couple weeks. Not the napkins.  I still get them.  But it's not like the Car-Bot shoot, where they made me gain ten pounds for running in the t-shrit.  That was bread sticks 24-7.  The Beef was cool--I called him that 'cause it's French--Anyway, Shia?  He'd kiss me anyway"

So hard to believe.  What a trooper, Shia.

"But this time I have to lose thirteen pounds, can you believe it?  Anyone can kiss me now."



"It's because The Alice gets pregnant.”

As the later scenes of the script are being finalized, Ms. Fox, now in gloves, is being fitted for her million dollar Vice Presidential campaign wardrobe.

As for the titleating climax, Sarah Palin's coronation as The Alice, Ms. Fox will, in spite of a the off-the-shoulders pinafore-only costume, “try to play it at least as as realistically as Meg Ryan.”

Casting the fanciful Tea Party of Wonderland characters, each wearing identical 19th Century Libertarian hats and speaking identical lines?  Well, that is a chore Ms. Fox is happy to leave to the producers.  “I do like animals and I even dated a teabagger.  But I know that hatting, it can make your brain swiss-cheesey.  Which may explain the Tea...”  When a PR assistant interrupted Ms. Fox with a handy breadstick and napkin.

Sarah Palin had demanded final script approval, but yielded when reminded that she had to finish her newspaper first.

The film, in full 2-D, is expected to be released in May 2012.

Just in time.