Proximania(tm): Okay, We'll Talk Past Each Other

Indirect talks have been okayed in Proximania(tm), at least by the Arab Proximates (or as some would say The Later Immigrants).  The Israeli Proximates (or The Earlier Immigrants) have always been willing to hold indrect talks with their fellow Proximates, preferably over a wall.

This Blog has discussed the Proximania issues often enough, probably fourth only to Toyota, Arizona and Megan Fox, not in order of importance or preference.  Indeed, this Blog might rightly claim the next Nobel-Obama Peace Prize for easing Proximania tensions with the invention of the catchy new trademark for the region itself.

(Feel free to tweet a nomination at @Nobelprize_org for the Peace Prize, the fiction prize being all but locked up--pun intended--by Arizona.)

The thriving construction industry in certain parts of Jerusalem has been annoying to a lot of Proximates, but apparently, the American President, The Big O--who discretely implied he might just claim all of Proximania himself through his Kenyan ancestors, who really were there first--has prevailed upon PLO (Proximania Left Overs) President Mahmoud Abbas to defer foreclosure proceedings for now.

The indirect talks will be held any place other than Jerusalem or Gaza.  Two comfortable chairs will be placed back to back, but not touching.  American envoy (French for "Oy, send someone else") George Mitchell will have two small wooden chairs, one opposite each of the Proximate's nicer chairs.  George will dance in a prescribed circle until the music stops and sit in the closest of his chairs.  The specific dance will be chosen by George's boss' wife, Lady O.

Dancing in an elipse would be more efficient, but the position of the two pins, the length of the string and hardness of the pencil, all needed to draw the ellipse properly, could not be worked out during the Bush Years of Desert Wandering and many indirect indirect, low-level meetings.  Maybe two of them.

Once George (the Mitchell one, again) is seated, the party opposite him will talk in his direction for an unspecified time.  The music will begin again at a random--like the Oscars--and George will rise and boogie off again.  Because the music should reflect the spirit of the occasion, one song each will be chosen by the two Proximate representatives.  The choices will be made from the songs of ELO (which sounds as close to PLO as you can get), but only from their Camp David Era (late '70's) and "Xanadu" work.  These will then be alternately be played over and over again by the renowned, if rarely enjoyed, International Strings-Attached Quartet.

All major issues will be open for indirect discussion:  The history of Jerusalem; putting a subway under the Wailing Wall and the Dome of the Rock; rate of return; who has the better religion; which way is faster to heaven, via Jerusalem or non-stop from Mecca; rebuilding Solomon's Temple, but on casters; iPad usage; the cause of earthquakes; how to domesticate Hamas.

These historic talks will continue as until all issues are fully resolved and peace is declared or George can no longer stand all the disco'ing to ELO in perfect circles.

Suggested name for the talks:  The Hustle.