Miss USA: Girl Gone Uncontrolled

It had to happen.  We elected a Mr. USA, The Big O, who was born a Muslim in some place Far Far Away, very west of California or very east of Newfoundland, depending on which way you are facing.  He even has a very Middle Eastern name like Barak and a very Osama-like last name

It figures that we'd push back by electing a Miss USA from smack in Middle America, except almost to Canada: Dearborn, Michigan, home, also, of the Ford Taurus.

A Miss USA who happens to be an immigrant. Who happens to be an Arab.  Who happens, unlike TBO, to still be Muslim.

(Oh, and, for some gratuitous irony, the Taurus mountains are in the Middle East, at the heads of the Tigris and Euphrates rivers that flow through Iraq.)

At least she is Lebanese, like Danny and Marlo Thomas, pretty damn TV-Star American, those two.  Not to mention Danny's Uncle Tonoose.

Rima Fakih may be a Muslim, but she left her burqa in a closest up in Dearborn.  And thank God and Allah both for that.  She might have broken her pretty neck if she had tripped over a burqa  instead of just an evening gown.  Fortunately, her swimsuit was not very long (God and Allah, again).

Rima is a Shiite and most of those are in Iran.  Therefore, she should know--and would if she read this blog more regularly--that her gorgeous, swooshing hair will almost certainly be causing earthquakes in Tehran.  And most other places without adequate cloud cover, for that matter.

An immigrant, Rima was lucky not to get the Do You Like Arizona question that sunk Miss "Round-Baby-Round" Oklahoma. Or the Is Mohamed in that Bear Costume query (wisely bleeped out).  Rima only had to declare the birth control pill a controlled substance, instead of the controlling substance it is.  But a wink from The Donald overcame the participle problem without the inconvenience of a google.

Speaking of control, Rima went a little girls-gone-wild a couple years ago in winning a Stripper 101 contest hosted by a local radio show called Mojo. Newly released video, however, shows that her t-shirt stayed down below her navel and didn't even get damp.  She may have thought it a college class, the way she was dressed.  The worst part of the whole bit was that she couldn't keep her hands or pretty butt off the Pole with whom she did the popular ethnic Pecker Dance. The dance being the "ethnic" part.

Like Piotr or whoever complained.

Conservatives in the USA were shocked and frightened by Rima's Muslim victory over the many Crusader choices The Donald had. Many demanded the Threat Level be raised to Reddish Orange or, worse, Orangish Red. Questions ran riot in gated communities:  Was this Political Correctness run amok? Was it the Barak-Ombalming of America? Was it a slap in the faces of Reddish White Arizoniums?

The Tea Party of Wonderland, through its spokes-grizzly, The Alice Sarah Palin, asked if Rima will use her new powers to cut income taxes, but only on its members. And can they keep their guns?

They are, ironically (again), nearsighted.  You may fear Rima now, but she will soon be in a position to go really wild in America, and far, far beyond.  Wait until Rima becomes Miss Universe.