Huge US Debt Resolved by Vitrually Everything(tm)

The USA is slimed with more debt than BP is briny crude.

The The Big O's central goverment has a deficit is in the trillions and Congress won't let the pentagon cut its own spending. California's debt is considered junk, being under the cloud of a single European accent.  Florida may not be able to afford this year's Tar Ball festival, even with sponsorship by BP and taxes from booming boom sales.  Consumers?  Hopeless Visa card addicts.

Or, more properly, formerly hopeless.

It has happened before, so you have come to expect it:  This Blog proposes the solution:  Its own nano$, naturally, but especially Virtually Everything(tm), an idea so evolutionary, it is trademarked.

Everyone knows that a lot of Virtual Goods are being sold, largely through Facebook.  You can buy a virtual puppy and send it to your Facebook friend. (Oh. You can have more than one?) Remember, it has always been the thought that counts, not the actual dumb, slobbering, newspaper-averse (and how trendy?) litte darling.

Virtual greeting cards came first, which makes sense, because some of the bigggest card days are completely made up, Mother's Day, Father's Day, Pi Day and Valentine's Day come to mind.  Others are simply bogus, like Groundhog Day, President's Day and Patriot's Day in (come on now) Massachusetts.  So getting a card for a made-up day was pretty much Wastebasket Day.  With virtual cards, at least there was no need to cut down a forest or set aside the newspaper you didn't actually use either to recycle.

Now, you can send any virtual Friend a gift that, likewise, will not take up shelf space, get wrinkled in a closet or claw your furniture legs.  Send a virtual pony, which doesn't even have virtual claws.  Or the ultimate gift, for now anyway: A virtual diamond necklace.  It's virtue is that you won't have to keep in a safe deposit box (like who has one of those) when you don't wear it, which is all the time, since Red Carpet types don't want Harry Winstons getting eyed lustfully instead of the cleavage they paid so much for.

All well and good, an economy of completely made up values.  Been there and 2008'ed that.

Serioulsy, this new Virtually Anything Economy, is better than the one Goldman Sachs dreamed up.  Using nano$ as the payment mechanism, people will feel virtually super-rich.  Face it, having Ten Billion anything stored away in a Fidelity-Division-of-Facebook account or under your iPad makes you feel damned wealthy.  The fact that it is only ten US dollars, or can't quite buy a box of real Merlot, gets kind of lost in all the zeroes.

When people feel rich, they binge on both real and virtual stuff.  Value is only a mindset, when you think about.  A week ago, your "Transformers 3" advance ticket was worth $1000; now you have to pay the landfill to bury it.  One day, mortgage derivatives were worth however many trillions Goldman Sachs told Hank Paulson (pardon the redundancy) they were worth; the next day?  Less than an NFL cornerback outside of New York.

It is not like using nano$ for virtual currency is cheating anyone.  The name "nano" sounds so Greek that it actually is.  And everyone, absolutely everyone, knows what Greek money is worth.

But how does the government use the reptillions of nano$ generated by the New Virtual Economy to eliminate its debt?  Relax, that part was just awaiting the inevitable "V" reference.

With nano$-addled buyers driving up the values of Virtually Everything, just like Vegas sand-front lots used to be, the government can start repaying debt, not with tons of gold, acres of over-harvested national forests or dozens of cute puppies and ponies, but with Virtually Everything.  It's like printing money you don't have, but, again, no carboniverous trees have to be sacrifiecd in the real world and you can go back to using your shredded office paper for mulch.

Future 30-year US Bonds can actually be denominated from the outset in Virtually Anything (a subset of Virtually Everything).  Virtual gold bullion is obvious, but more creative things will work, too.  My current favorite is Virtual close-to-the-Naples-beach condos, complete with screen saver of the pre-BP Gulf of Mexico.  Including in a Virtual tan app, or for some, a duo of virtual implants, to make your video-chat-self look really hot but without the need for medical help. (Come on, bid; this is really important!)

Every Facebook account will be a Monopoly Board with a hotel on every corner, including the Jail, and it's all yours. Can't beat that "wealth effect".

TBO can start tomorrow.  And should.  Redeem the next bonds coming due with new Virtual nano$ bonds or pay them off, say, with Virtual Blood Diamonds. Rich people crave imported dirty money, since they think it is like wholesale.  Speaking of dirty money, an underground virtual economy is already in place thanks to Grand Theft Auto IX.

As innovative as this sounds, its fundamentals are really something the US government mastered a long time ago.

The coup de grace is not new, either.  Thanks to Virtually Everything, Facebook will become the new Goldman Sachs, but honest.  It will be the clearing house for the entire new Virtually Everything Economy.  Its stock will soar into the godzillions. Right then, of course, TBO springs something that comes oh so naturally:  He can nationalize Facebook like this is Venezuela.

And when Warren Buffet wants to buy in?  "Virtual, my ass."