Arizoniums Must Avoid Alien Contact!

So says Stephen Hawking, the renowned expert on Dark Matters and Cosmetology.

Bravely, Hawking has weighed in on the debate in Arizona over that State's new Aliens Roundup Law.  Hawking, in the upcoming "Into the Universe" TV show, uses a score of Beatles songs to get across his points that that aliens may not be all that smart but are likely very dangerous:  "Do not approach them. Aliens will not understand English. And, for God's sake, do not ride with any of them in a pick-up."

Despite the Hawking revelations, many alien-lovers are imploring the President from Far Far Away to intercede and seriously  bad-mouth the Arizona law.  Neither Shrek nor Barak Obama were available for comment.

Such partisans have been dismissed by upstarts in Dark Matters, such as Glenn Beck of FOX U, who consider them leftovers from the warmly-embrace-invaders "ET" and "Close Encounters" generation.  These are the very ones, Beck says, who missed the more recent and much more accurate "War of the Worlds" and "Transformers II".

Hawking, being British, does not know Glenn Beck or the legality of the Aliens Roundup Law under the American Constitution.  The British may have their own alien problems, but they look far savvier than Americans, having written their constitution in invisible ink long before their western colonists plucked their first quill pen from an Indian Thanksgiving gift basket.  Hence, the British do not have to worry about Sean Hannity reading selected words from their constitution to resolve important issues.  (This topic, but not Sean Hannity, will be discussed in a later much less important post.)

Aliens, Hawking suggests, may be out there in large dark numbers and will attempt to cross our border in stealth vehicles too advanced to be seen by our Direct TV satellites.  They will be seeking either resources to replace their own or, maybe, gardening jobs Americans don't want.  Or both.

Worse, aliens may carry microbes that can annihilate native American Caucasoids with a deceptively chummy handshake.  It could be deadly to hand them anything under the table.  Hawking believes aliens may live in an environment with insufficient water to wash their hands thoroughly.

Do not panic, but they may even be attracted to Dry Heat.

Finally, Hawking emphasizes, it is simply too risky to even try to communicate with aliens. Leave that to the Arizona police.