Trey Parker and Matt Stone can't draw worth a damn and do a terrible Barbara Steisand. They ridicule everyone and everything from Mel Gibson movies to Conan O'Brian's Tonight Show Week; from Ben Rothlisberger to his personal savior and bodyguard, Jesus.
But last week's show, (April 14th) was beyond the pail. Perhaps, the time has come for Trey and Matt to find another line of work.
We Bears are upset as all get out and, when we are done in the woods, we are going to protest. No, not about that awful Chinese toilet paper, but that may be next.
Winney, Smokey, Yogi, Boo Boo and other genus leaders are trying to keep the bear community from going nutso. Some Bear radicals ("Ursuists"), like the particularly humorless Ursus Actors Horribilis threaten to smear Trey and Matt with rancid honey, the way those Thai food people did in Thaistan, except with blood. Others, the piously rabid Twirling Euarctos, want to break every window in Colorado and then sneak back into Idaho.
An Northern sect stomped their paws so hard they cracked several ice floes into snow cones and threatened to evolve from white to black... but that was about Sarah Palin.
We Bears are a peaceful, faith-based lot, worshiping certain bear-shaped constellations and quietly, if painfully, borne human's derision of our sacred stars as "Dippers". We have never believed in Santa Claus, as you imply. We are usually depicted as gentle and spiritual on the cartoon shows we draw ourselves. The occasional gorey rampage is usually justified by the presence of undercooked hamburger and chicken, which humans shouldn't eat anyway.
For centuries, we bears have performed selflessly with our human cousins, live as well as on TV, often on unicycles with funny hats. We have proven our desire to live side-by-side with humans, although we do gently suggest that humans become Bears, if only because there are too damned many unused unicycles.
Trey and Matt, we do not threaten you for your insulting transgressions against bears. We mean you no real harm and hope you get to keep your rightlegs, assuming you can only draw with your left foot the way that Daniel Day Lewis can. Instead, consider this a chummy warning that some bears out there are way beyond picinic-basket angry. Bear leadership is consulting with Tom Cruise on how to prevent the repeats from running until the end of Mayan civilization and all those broken ice floes in 2012.
And, on a personal note: Don't kill Kenny.
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who is kenny? No reference to Mohammed.
ReplyDeleteMention Mohammed? Do I seem that reckless?
ReplyDeleteKenny is a long-time South Park character who used to be killed in nearly every episode. That his reappearance the next week was never explained defines South Park as a soap.