We've Got The Second Craziest Guy

You thought Pat Robertson had retired the title of Craziest Guy on Earth.  Maybe, so, but the competition has been reopened.  Bring Pat's jersey down from the rafters of God Memorial Soccer Bowl.  There's a new nut in town.

Fortunately, not your town.  This time.

As we all know, Pat Robertson has insightfully blamed practically every natural disaster since he matriculated kindergarten on gays and girls behaving badly.  Hurricanes regularly punish Orlando for Disney's parades.  Haiti's recent earthquake resulted from the Haitians contract with the devil to have voodoo and sunshine in place of Christian souls.  Thankfully, the Rev's been too busy compiling lists of punishees what with all the earthquakes God has unleashed pretty much anywhere a tectonic plate is attached to a Toyota with a mind of its own.  9/11 was brought upon us by any woman who has a mind of her own.

Well, Pat, take a back seat in that Toyota.  The BBC says you've got company.

Iranian Cleric Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi ("Hojo" to his friends on this blog) lectured his flock in Tehran on April 16th that earthquakes are generally caused by women. Young women, girls.  The ones who show their... hair on their foreheads; the ones with clothes that have actual tailoring; the ones with hemlines hiked up above their insteps.

Allah ("God", to Pat's friends on this blog) is watching these young women like they were on "Gossip Girl".  It is not known specifically what Allah thinks of Serena and Blair's headbands, but it can't be good:  There is an awful lot of beautiful hair and matching extensions showing.  It is one thing for infidels in New York to wear provocative headgear, as Allah can barely cast a disapproving eye for all the bouncing tresses, but in Tehran?  That means scarves at least the size of a Megan Fox skirt.

In Hojo's Tehran, less is more virtuous.  The less a woman shows Allah, the better Allah likes it and there is a lot for him to like in Iran these days.  Which is great, piety is next to... (back from Wiki) ... actually is godliness.

This blog has faced Iranian issues before, such as space turtle mail  and misuse of both space and worms.   It has also consistently taken up the cause of women, pointing out that women in politics need their hands securely held and should not move about the planet without that help; that women, even at the executive level, are still made to push envelopes, presumably with their unheld noses; and women, especially, young women should be treated with great respect as Uterine Holding Devices.

It is best, then, that this blog stick to Serena, Blair and Megan, while leaving the topic of Iranian women to an expert like Hojo, himself.

As to women causing earthquakes?  You know that part already.  Forget all that shifting tectonic plates stuff, an earthquake is really just the earth moving.

Bush & Clinton to Work with Devil

Yes, the Bush that does come first to mind, not the usual one.  The second one, called, with appropriate deference by some, George III.

They are going to Haiti, in the wake of a brutal earthquake, hoping to improve housing as both men did while in the White House.  Of course, during their 16 years in Washington, they had the help of the Fed, mortgage brokers and Wall Street.

In Haiti, it will only be Satan.

Rev. Pat Robertson revealed Satan's role in Haiti's government very recently, although, Pat said, Satan has been sort of President Emeritus in Haiti a long time.  That was thanks to a deal with the Haitians to force Napoleon Whatever to give it up in 1803, the same year he pulled off a sweet short-sale of the Louisiana Territory to the US for half a Bank CEO's base salary.  I think Pat would agree that Thomas Jefferson got the better deal.

Satan, apparently, has been fuming ever since, sticking Haiti with voodoo, the French language, pushy tourists and a Gross Domestic Products lower than a Bill Clinton speaking fee.  He did get even with Jefferson, as Pat Robertson will probably tell you, with something called Katrina.

Bush and Clinton can hardly make things worse in Haiti than Satan has, so they are a good choice.  One good fund raiser a piece and Haiti's housing will rise again.  Assuming China has not purchased all of 2010's the corrugated sheet supply already.

And those repossessed Katrina-FEMA trailers would look great in the suburbs of Port-au-Prince. 

It probably won't matter, but Satan may be of little help after all.  Reports have him skipping town before Bush and Clinton even land there.  We know where he's going, too.  Pat Robertson is sure Satan still has his place just outside Orlando.

Go to Google Disaster Relief Page to Help Haiti Out