We've Got The Second Craziest Guy

You thought Pat Robertson had retired the title of Craziest Guy on Earth.  Maybe, so, but the competition has been reopened.  Bring Pat's jersey down from the rafters of God Memorial Soccer Bowl.  There's a new nut in town.

Fortunately, not your town.  This time.

As we all know, Pat Robertson has insightfully blamed practically every natural disaster since he matriculated kindergarten on gays and girls behaving badly.  Hurricanes regularly punish Orlando for Disney's parades.  Haiti's recent earthquake resulted from the Haitians contract with the devil to have voodoo and sunshine in place of Christian souls.  Thankfully, the Rev's been too busy compiling lists of punishees what with all the earthquakes God has unleashed pretty much anywhere a tectonic plate is attached to a Toyota with a mind of its own.  9/11 was brought upon us by any woman who has a mind of her own.

Well, Pat, take a back seat in that Toyota.  The BBC says you've got company.

Iranian Cleric Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi ("Hojo" to his friends on this blog) lectured his flock in Tehran on April 16th that earthquakes are generally caused by women. Young women, girls.  The ones who show their... hair on their foreheads; the ones with clothes that have actual tailoring; the ones with hemlines hiked up above their insteps.

Allah ("God", to Pat's friends on this blog) is watching these young women like they were on "Gossip Girl".  It is not known specifically what Allah thinks of Serena and Blair's headbands, but it can't be good:  There is an awful lot of beautiful hair and matching extensions showing.  It is one thing for infidels in New York to wear provocative headgear, as Allah can barely cast a disapproving eye for all the bouncing tresses, but in Tehran?  That means scarves at least the size of a Megan Fox skirt.

In Hojo's Tehran, less is more virtuous.  The less a woman shows Allah, the better Allah likes it and there is a lot for him to like in Iran these days.  Which is great, piety is next to... (back from Wiki) ... actually is godliness.

This blog has faced Iranian issues before, such as space turtle mail  and misuse of both space and worms.   It has also consistently taken up the cause of women, pointing out that women in politics need their hands securely held and should not move about the planet without that help; that women, even at the executive level, are still made to push envelopes, presumably with their unheld noses; and women, especially, young women should be treated with great respect as Uterine Holding Devices.

It is best, then, that this blog stick to Serena, Blair and Megan, while leaving the topic of Iranian women to an expert like Hojo, himself.

As to women causing earthquakes?  You know that part already.  Forget all that shifting tectonic plates stuff, an earthquake is really just the earth moving.

God Falls Into The Gap

No, not the place with the 1969 jeans and Wedges that Wow.  We are talking about The Gap between us Americans and The Religious Rest of the World.  Except the Chinese, who are atheists by fiat.

According to the Chicago Council on Global Affairs' (CCoGA) recent report, via the Washington Post, our narrow-minded secularism is mucking up out foreign policy big time.

The Big O, they say, should make religion our foreign policy.  The way Old Europe did for a six hundred some odd bloody years.

TBO, who spent a lot of time in Chicago and claims to be Born Again--this time as a Capital C Christian--continued the Faith-Based In Your Hood Office smack in the White House.  Under George III, this office was charged with drumming up votes, money and leather on the ground in churches everywhere for Republican electioneering.  I guess it is casting about madly to find some new purpose, since TBO is given the GOP all the help it needs without nary a minister's unkind word.

So, how can we have a God Gap, when He has a high-ranking neighbor of our very President?

The world is "abuzz with religious fervor", says the task force.  Like we're not squabbling about religious things like abortion, creches and Rapture-stranded pets?

Here, maybe, but not "over there".  Separation of Church and State ends at the border, sort of like the CIA only in the other direction.

It seems foreigners (no matter what they call themselves) are into God 24/6, sabbath being time off.  If you can't talk to a foreigner about God, well, they just zone out on you altogether. 

For example, Iran's President, Ejad, can't even broach the subject of uranium enrichment for civilian warheads without murmuring, "Allah is great, blessed be his name" or words to that effect.  Unfortunately, an American diplomat, who tries to schmooze Ejad at a UN cocktail party, is currently not going to say, "Hey, Allah's cool, but so's Israel."  Never going to get Ejad to the canapes that way.

From now on, TBO is supposed to call Ejad on his cell and "God, my Lexus is divinely fast."  Then, any topic will flow into a comprehensive ten-party treaty.

I can see how this works well with monotheists.  Even though they don't understand it, many foreigners worship the God who wrestled with Abraham long before it meant big money on TV.  Not so much, the billion who are Buddhists, Sikhs or Hindus.  Or a stray bunch of Shintoists, Animists or Scientologists.  Well, the CCoFA report really doesn't care about them since they are not all fervorish right now.

To be honest, are we really talking the billion foreigners who might be Christian?  Or a few who are Jewish?  Are they all in a religious lather?  Uh uh.

It's the Muslims.  But we don't dare say it.  As usual.  Come on Chicago Council of Global Bright Ideas.  Lay it out for real, just this once.

Okay, I will.  The muddle yields something like this:  If we had just chatted up Osama bin Laden about Allah, our mutual God-of-Abraham, Osama would have kept up his 1980's dance with the CIA and been stalking buildings in Tehran instead of New York and DC.

It's not too late.  If we just approach Osama the right religious way, he might cheerfully crash a White House dinner.  In a dinner jacket.  And no vest.