We've Got The Second Craziest Guy

You thought Pat Robertson had retired the title of Craziest Guy on Earth.  Maybe, so, but the competition has been reopened.  Bring Pat's jersey down from the rafters of God Memorial Soccer Bowl.  There's a new nut in town.

Fortunately, not your town.  This time.

As we all know, Pat Robertson has insightfully blamed practically every natural disaster since he matriculated kindergarten on gays and girls behaving badly.  Hurricanes regularly punish Orlando for Disney's parades.  Haiti's recent earthquake resulted from the Haitians contract with the devil to have voodoo and sunshine in place of Christian souls.  Thankfully, the Rev's been too busy compiling lists of punishees what with all the earthquakes God has unleashed pretty much anywhere a tectonic plate is attached to a Toyota with a mind of its own.  9/11 was brought upon us by any woman who has a mind of her own.

Well, Pat, take a back seat in that Toyota.  The BBC says you've got company.

Iranian Cleric Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi ("Hojo" to his friends on this blog) lectured his flock in Tehran on April 16th that earthquakes are generally caused by women. Young women, girls.  The ones who show their... hair on their foreheads; the ones with clothes that have actual tailoring; the ones with hemlines hiked up above their insteps.

Allah ("God", to Pat's friends on this blog) is watching these young women like they were on "Gossip Girl".  It is not known specifically what Allah thinks of Serena and Blair's headbands, but it can't be good:  There is an awful lot of beautiful hair and matching extensions showing.  It is one thing for infidels in New York to wear provocative headgear, as Allah can barely cast a disapproving eye for all the bouncing tresses, but in Tehran?  That means scarves at least the size of a Megan Fox skirt.

In Hojo's Tehran, less is more virtuous.  The less a woman shows Allah, the better Allah likes it and there is a lot for him to like in Iran these days.  Which is great, piety is next to... (back from Wiki) ... actually is godliness.

This blog has faced Iranian issues before, such as space turtle mail  and misuse of both space and worms.   It has also consistently taken up the cause of women, pointing out that women in politics need their hands securely held and should not move about the planet without that help; that women, even at the executive level, are still made to push envelopes, presumably with their unheld noses; and women, especially, young women should be treated with great respect as Uterine Holding Devices.

It is best, then, that this blog stick to Serena, Blair and Megan, while leaving the topic of Iranian women to an expert like Hojo, himself.

As to women causing earthquakes?  You know that part already.  Forget all that shifting tectonic plates stuff, an earthquake is really just the earth moving.

Suspending Return Tickets

You would never expect the US Department of Fatherland Security and Disaster Disasters to show compassion.  That's not why George III invented it.  It is supposed to curtail civil liberties, raise terror alerts and read your emails.

But along comes a disastrous earthquake in Haiti, and the Katrina-Kops are suddenly all soft and humane. 

Now-temporary Secretary Janet Napolitano has announced that she is suspending Haitian deportation.  You have to admit that is awfully sweet.  A few days ago, Haitians illegal in the US were being sent home to their pretty Caribbean half-island quicker than you can get a passport with a tracking chip in it.  At that time--those good days seems ages ago now--our ousted Haitians had huts to go home to and the prospect of landing a dollar an hour job by the time you got your next 55" TV.

Well, the Haitian huts are gone and job prospects have dimmed, so Secretary Janet had second thoughts about plopping even an illegal alien down onto Hell's Beach with cameras rolling.

And her slightly less-temporary boss, sent the Navy and Coast Guard out to help out any Haitians, the one's sailing the wrong way, with their navigation.

Except there doesn't seem to be a boat or raft left in all of Port au Prince.  We'll have to help the Haitian's rebuild them, too.  It might be cheap... more humane to send a big cruise ship and sail them all to another Frenchified paradise, say Montserrat.