Congressional Republican outflanked Teabaggers today by leaking forth a new and really convincing Contract For America. In it, they pledge all of America's assets in exchange for a no-tax promise for all Americans, not just the rich and small businessmen like George Soros and Tom Cruise.
"America'r rich peoples' wealth and its resulting trickle can only be maximized if tax cuts are retained and improved to a zero marginal rate for those earning over $250,000 per year. Without nagging taxes, America's rich will be incentivized to invest their super wealth in new job-generating projects! That these projects are in China and Vietnam is best since the jobs are the type Americans don't really cotton to all that much, like in manufacturing which can be kind of dirty!" declared a House Republican in a simple black knit ski mask without his/her name emblazoned upon it.
"George III cut taxes for everyone for a couple election cycles and we want to be even more creatively destructive than that great indomitable American pet goat wrangler."*
*(In a later addendum, the statement was revised to "great American pet goat story narrator.")
Part of the promise is that Republicans, when put in power again by the Supreme Court, will not mark their ears ever again. It is unclear what that actually means.
Other clauses call for a freeze of hiring anyone other than security guards and for saluting anyone who is non-gay, non-Christian or non-Brown. Non-black is no longer considered much of nonsaluting problem.
Top goals are to Hedge-Fundize Social Security. The bold if Mickey-Mouse(tm) plan of turning Social Security over to Wall Street having been 2008'ed, Republicans now demand the use of hedge funds for all Americans retirement subsistence.
Republicans, patriotically on a mission, promised to roll back "Obamadontcare" as their very first missionary position: "Americans should only be screwed the traditional family way!" Also, Obama's Blue Cross Rejection and Termination Death Squads will be repurposed as redistricting committees.
Congress itself will be reprioritized and moved to K-Street where it belongs. Iraq will be forgotten, Afghanistan treated for bipolar disorder and Iran bombed back to the bronze age from which it almost emerged in the film "300".
Republicans realize that the American public is enraged enough to spurn coffee for tepid tea and is pretty much the way they were in "Network", so Republicans have resurrected their reassuring practice ducking and covering to avoid falling Flat-screens running Sean Hannity-Glenn Beck musical revivals.
Showing posts with label George Bush. Show all posts
Showing posts with label George Bush. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Friday, February 12, 2010
The Soleil Also Rises
George III did actually learn something from Katrina. No formaldehyde-based FEMA-brand trailers for Port au Prince as we expected. No domed stadiums, either.
Circus Tents.
Only for the Haitian government.
All the way from Reno, Nevada.
Nope. And I tried for an hour to come up with something half as good, too.
Tom Schrade, who used to own a piece of what used to be the Reno Hilton and still listens to his wife, is donating these things to Haiti. Mind you, Tom wasn't using them much and these are top of the line circus tents. Cirque du Soleil tents, no less, with heating and A/C, lighting, Port au Jeans and chairs.
And I'm sure the elephant... well, I'm sure the have been cleaned up to Haiti standards.
As if the tents were not enough, the thirteen shipping containers it takes to the big tops from Reno to Haiti will themselves serve as apartments. At least until some smart developer converts them into waterfront condos.
Conrad Hilton's Foundation, hip-deep in Haitian relief already, will finance the shipment and Bill Clinton's Foundation will handle the paperwork. I guess foundations are not just tax shelters for the ex-Presidents, wealthy heirs and Bill Gates among us; they actually do stuff like this.
Cirque du Soleil, a Quebec bunch who could wow you in a pup tent, used these tents originally at Vegas' Mirage a while back. These tents have traveled before, to Myrtle Beach, probably to house some golf course, and then back to Nevada, no doubt to keep the slots dry.
If you've ever seen Circle du Soleil perform, you know they do it in French, which makes the bathroom and exit signs ready to go for Haiti. If you haven't seen Cirque at least on TV, queue up a disc from NetFlix, especially in BluRay if you can. Try to get one with these soon-to-be-historic relief tents. It'll make the idea of tents filled with French-filibustering politicians and hand-sewn voodoo dolls (not that the dolls have to needle each other nearly as much to work) seem very, very tame.
And unlike all that Bush emergency housing assistance for Katrina victims, this help is already on the way.
Circus Tents.
Only for the Haitian government.
All the way from Reno, Nevada.
Nope. And I tried for an hour to come up with something half as good, too.
Tom Schrade, who used to own a piece of what used to be the Reno Hilton and still listens to his wife, is donating these things to Haiti. Mind you, Tom wasn't using them much and these are top of the line circus tents. Cirque du Soleil tents, no less, with heating and A/C, lighting, Port au Jeans and chairs.
And I'm sure the elephant... well, I'm sure the have been cleaned up to Haiti standards.
As if the tents were not enough, the thirteen shipping containers it takes to the big tops from Reno to Haiti will themselves serve as apartments. At least until some smart developer converts them into waterfront condos.
Conrad Hilton's Foundation, hip-deep in Haitian relief already, will finance the shipment and Bill Clinton's Foundation will handle the paperwork. I guess foundations are not just tax shelters for the ex-Presidents, wealthy heirs and Bill Gates among us; they actually do stuff like this.
Cirque du Soleil, a Quebec bunch who could wow you in a pup tent, used these tents originally at Vegas' Mirage a while back. These tents have traveled before, to Myrtle Beach, probably to house some golf course, and then back to Nevada, no doubt to keep the slots dry.
If you've ever seen Circle du Soleil perform, you know they do it in French, which makes the bathroom and exit signs ready to go for Haiti. If you haven't seen Cirque at least on TV, queue up a disc from NetFlix, especially in BluRay if you can. Try to get one with these soon-to-be-historic relief tents. It'll make the idea of tents filled with French-filibustering politicians and hand-sewn voodoo dolls (not that the dolls have to needle each other nearly as much to work) seem very, very tame.
And unlike all that Bush emergency housing assistance for Katrina victims, this help is already on the way.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Bush & Clinton to Work with Devil
Yes, the Bush that does come first to mind, not the usual one. The second one, called, with appropriate deference by some, George III.
They are going to Haiti, in the wake of a brutal earthquake, hoping to improve housing as both men did while in the White House. Of course, during their 16 years in Washington, they had the help of the Fed, mortgage brokers and Wall Street.
In Haiti, it will only be Satan.
Rev. Pat Robertson revealed Satan's role in Haiti's government very recently, although, Pat said, Satan has been sort of President Emeritus in Haiti a long time. That was thanks to a deal with the Haitians to force Napoleon Whatever to give it up in 1803, the same year he pulled off a sweet short-sale of the Louisiana Territory to the US for half a Bank CEO's base salary. I think Pat would agree that Thomas Jefferson got the better deal.
Satan, apparently, has been fuming ever since, sticking Haiti with voodoo, the French language, pushy tourists and a Gross Domestic Products lower than a Bill Clinton speaking fee. He did get even with Jefferson, as Pat Robertson will probably tell you, with something called Katrina.
Bush and Clinton can hardly make things worse in Haiti than Satan has, so they are a good choice. One good fund raiser a piece and Haiti's housing will rise again. Assuming China has not purchased all of 2010's the corrugated sheet supply already.
And those repossessed Katrina-FEMA trailers would look great in the suburbs of Port-au-Prince.
It probably won't matter, but Satan may be of little help after all. Reports have him skipping town before Bush and Clinton even land there. We know where he's going, too. Pat Robertson is sure Satan still has his place just outside Orlando.
Go to Google Disaster Relief Page to Help Haiti Out
They are going to Haiti, in the wake of a brutal earthquake, hoping to improve housing as both men did while in the White House. Of course, during their 16 years in Washington, they had the help of the Fed, mortgage brokers and Wall Street.
In Haiti, it will only be Satan.
Rev. Pat Robertson revealed Satan's role in Haiti's government very recently, although, Pat said, Satan has been sort of President Emeritus in Haiti a long time. That was thanks to a deal with the Haitians to force Napoleon Whatever to give it up in 1803, the same year he pulled off a sweet short-sale of the Louisiana Territory to the US for half a Bank CEO's base salary. I think Pat would agree that Thomas Jefferson got the better deal.
Satan, apparently, has been fuming ever since, sticking Haiti with voodoo, the French language, pushy tourists and a Gross Domestic Products lower than a Bill Clinton speaking fee. He did get even with Jefferson, as Pat Robertson will probably tell you, with something called Katrina.
Bush and Clinton can hardly make things worse in Haiti than Satan has, so they are a good choice. One good fund raiser a piece and Haiti's housing will rise again. Assuming China has not purchased all of 2010's the corrugated sheet supply already.
And those repossessed Katrina-FEMA trailers would look great in the suburbs of Port-au-Prince.
It probably won't matter, but Satan may be of little help after all. Reports have him skipping town before Bush and Clinton even land there. We know where he's going, too. Pat Robertson is sure Satan still has his place just outside Orlando.
Go to Google Disaster Relief Page to Help Haiti Out
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