Not Valentine's Day for Iranian Space Worms

Terror indeed.  Iran just sent a mouse and a couple turtles (probably DSL-impaired) up into space along with the worms.  Sound like an amusing, benign little zoo.  Is "benign" a term you associate with Mahmoud Ahmadinejad taking a break from hand-cranking a centrifuge in his garage?

Iran sent up a  communications satellite into orbit about a year ago, which the NSA tapped as quickly as your iPhone or miy Skype line. Most of the talk was just about the number of black-eyed virgins dancing on the head of a pin, anyway. Big Deal.

This Iranian space mission is a different story.

It's not the turtles?  Israel and the US know how to slow down turtles from space, like they have to.  And a mouse, as a mammal, is sure to get motion sickness as its cute white fur ignites in the dive back into the atmosphere at Mach 5 over Tel Aviv.  Weaponized turtles and mice in space has long been anticipated and counter measures to scrape them off pavement are already in place.

These Iranian worms are another matter.  It is unknown what kind of worms they are or if they are worms at all.  Their purpose could be peaceful, like those gravity-free Chinese worms that made very nice black silk negligees for special Valentines... Never mind that.  Iranian's don't make negligees, but they still make the rugs used by Victoria Secret models... Oh, never mind that, either. Iranians make great rugs, so maybe the space worms will weave you a 9 x 12 just in time if you risk a monitored call to Tehran right now.  (It would make half of a great Valentine's Day gift, trust me.)

The space worms.. If I know Ahmadinejad, those worms are probably not going to make you or me that carpet.  More likely they are  gummy worms or maggots with plutonium-powered brains.

Do not even think that about a President of a sovereign nation with a fatwa in his pocket.

Worms are very dangerous as they can multiply a zillion times faster than a single lightheaded mouse.  On Ahmadinejad order, the worm capsule—safely housed in their own detachable capsule sealed away from that  little mouse cheese-deprived and those hungry, snappish turtles--could be sent Earthbound, each worm separately targeted.  Is New York safe?  Pairs?  London?  Your house?

International Space Station research has indicated that, In zero-gravity, worms could grow to be the size of subway cars, but without the beauty of urban aerosol-art. Perhaps, you think, “How much less can my house be worth?”  But it's not just that.  The stock market.... I know, I know, but a 401K could be worth even less if Ahmadinejad has his way.

One frightening hypothetical: proves the point.  What economic disaster would a single Burlington-Northern-box-car sized, plutonium brained worm cause in, say, Omaha, should it land on Warren Buffet's headquarters.  You've waited a generation for  Berkshire Hathaway shares even a blogger can afford and they would be unsaleable and radioactively slimed in one horrible instant.

And, yes, ugh.