Congressional Republican outflanked Teabaggers today by leaking forth a new and really convincing Contract For America. In it, they pledge all of America's assets in exchange for a no-tax promise for all Americans, not just the rich and small businessmen like George Soros and Tom Cruise.
"America'r rich peoples' wealth and its resulting trickle can only be maximized if tax cuts are retained and improved to a zero marginal rate for those earning over $250,000 per year. Without nagging taxes, America's rich will be incentivized to invest their super wealth in new job-generating projects! That these projects are in China and Vietnam is best since the jobs are the type Americans don't really cotton to all that much, like in manufacturing which can be kind of dirty!" declared a House Republican in a simple black knit ski mask without his/her name emblazoned upon it.
"George III cut taxes for everyone for a couple election cycles and we want to be even more creatively destructive than that great indomitable American pet goat wrangler."*
*(In a later addendum, the statement was revised to "great American pet goat story narrator.")
Part of the promise is that Republicans, when put in power again by the Supreme Court, will not mark their ears ever again. It is unclear what that actually means.
Other clauses call for a freeze of hiring anyone other than security guards and for saluting anyone who is non-gay, non-Christian or non-Brown. Non-black is no longer considered much of nonsaluting problem.
Top goals are to Hedge-Fundize Social Security. The bold if Mickey-Mouse(tm) plan of turning Social Security over to Wall Street having been 2008'ed, Republicans now demand the use of hedge funds for all Americans retirement subsistence.
Republicans, patriotically on a mission, promised to roll back "Obamadontcare" as their very first missionary position: "Americans should only be screwed the traditional family way!" Also, Obama's Blue Cross Rejection and Termination Death Squads will be repurposed as redistricting committees.
Congress itself will be reprioritized and moved to K-Street where it belongs. Iraq will be forgotten, Afghanistan treated for bipolar disorder and Iran bombed back to the bronze age from which it almost emerged in the film "300".
Republicans realize that the American public is enraged enough to spurn coffee for tepid tea and is pretty much the way they were in "Network", so Republicans have resurrected their reassuring practice ducking and covering to avoid falling Flat-screens running Sean Hannity-Glenn Beck musical revivals.
Showing posts with label teabaggers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label teabaggers. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Pitty the Foo!
So, it is not the Mr. T Party. Mr. T would not worry about voting the Socialists and Wimps out of office. Gold chains clanking and dialog lacking, Mr. T would just throw them directly into Boston Harbor. Or any nearby Ave.
Don't pretend you don't feel the same way about your computer, either.
America's Fraternity of Teabaggers, which changed its name to The Tea Party Of Wonderland, is still at it. And now, they have their own heretofore bored, 3D Alice in Sarah Palin, the Governor of Alaska who can see farther than the Who on a clear day. The Teabaggers finally have the honest-to-God, really high-pitched squeak that might get them some serious media grease.
Especially the serious part. At the outset of their coverage, the media reported on the Teabaggers with a stage snicker and all the immediacy of a snipe hunt. Could anyone get past the fact that the Teabaggers loved that name and had no idea how to use Google (there being no "Bing!" on your favorite TV show at that early date). After the media-lashing about their collective face, the Teabaggers did some research on a borrowed set of Wikipedia and said, "Oh."
And the Tea Party ("TP") of Wonderland was born.
Long before Tim Burton and IMAX landed a Hatter's hat or a Red Queen's foot-pig in you lap.
The TP is all about squeaking out against taxes. Any taxes, all taxes. And spending. Any spending, all spending. And government, all government. The TP wants Americans to keep all of their money so that they may invest it wisely in new jobs and credit default swap options.
The shockingly almost-bold, near-revolutionary TP wants any politician who is in government and who casts an aye toward taxes or spending to be voted out of office.
Yes, voted. Not lined up against a wall and pelted with New Classic Comic Bibles. (Even the abridged ADHD version can really hurt if thrown only a foot or two.)
Yes, voted. Not sprayed with blood, dropped twenty feet from a Boeing 777, or sunburned with a looking glass in a soccer stadium.
Whose a whimpy Dormouse?
Some Republicans, mostly peeking out from under the checkered tablecloth when the TP is nigh, are worried that the ultra-reactionary TP will push the Republican party off the underlying table, spilling GOP candidates along with the caffeine water, by pushing the Greed Old Party farther to the Right.
Like that's possible.
And, don't tell anyone, but that Cheshire-stlyle smile you see floating above the Tea Party? That big, toothy smile looks awfully Hawaiian, doesn't it?
Don't pretend you don't feel the same way about your computer, either.
America's Fraternity of Teabaggers, which changed its name to The Tea Party Of Wonderland, is still at it. And now, they have their own heretofore bored, 3D Alice in Sarah Palin, the Governor of Alaska who can see farther than the Who on a clear day. The Teabaggers finally have the honest-to-God, really high-pitched squeak that might get them some serious media grease.
Especially the serious part. At the outset of their coverage, the media reported on the Teabaggers with a stage snicker and all the immediacy of a snipe hunt. Could anyone get past the fact that the Teabaggers loved that name and had no idea how to use Google (there being no "Bing!" on your favorite TV show at that early date). After the media-lashing about their collective face, the Teabaggers did some research on a borrowed set of Wikipedia and said, "Oh."
And the Tea Party ("TP") of Wonderland was born.
Long before Tim Burton and IMAX landed a Hatter's hat or a Red Queen's foot-pig in you lap.
The TP is all about squeaking out against taxes. Any taxes, all taxes. And spending. Any spending, all spending. And government, all government. The TP wants Americans to keep all of their money so that they may invest it wisely in new jobs and credit default swap options.
The shockingly almost-bold, near-revolutionary TP wants any politician who is in government and who casts an aye toward taxes or spending to be voted out of office.
Yes, voted. Not lined up against a wall and pelted with New Classic Comic Bibles. (Even the abridged ADHD version can really hurt if thrown only a foot or two.)
Yes, voted. Not sprayed with blood, dropped twenty feet from a Boeing 777, or sunburned with a looking glass in a soccer stadium.
Whose a whimpy Dormouse?
Some Republicans, mostly peeking out from under the checkered tablecloth when the TP is nigh, are worried that the ultra-reactionary TP will push the Republican party off the underlying table, spilling GOP candidates along with the caffeine water, by pushing the Greed Old Party farther to the Right.
Like that's possible.
And, don't tell anyone, but that Cheshire-stlyle smile you see floating above the Tea Party? That big, toothy smile looks awfully Hawaiian, doesn't it?
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