Lindsay Lohan admits Milkaholism

Well, not Lindsay herself, but her lawyers, who know what an admission is.

Lindsay and her lawyers, like many of you watching the Super Bowl, saw the E-Trade ad with its precocious babe-trader (no, not a freckle slaver) trying to hide his fling with a known milkaholic infant slut named Lindsay.  Cute ad you said to yourself, right?

But didn't you immediately make the association?  I sure did.  Slut? Lindsay?  'Holic?  The milk part, I wasn't so sure.  Until now.

By the way, I have been a fan of Lindsay Lohan since before she redid "Parent Trap" and drove Herbie in the Indy 500.  She was a cute kid who could sing and act and she has turned into something else as a young adult.

But just what "something"?  A milkaholic slut?  Why would she go so public in admitting such a thing?

How does 100 million bucks sound?

It did to her lawyers, too.  I'd admit to all kinds of things for a 100 million nano-dollars let alone the full-sized ones. Lindsay's lawyers filed suit against E-Trade and the baby actors who actually made the scurrilous connection obvious.

E-Trade responded that it just used a popular female baby's name.  Lindsay knows better.  "Lindsay" is a name that she alone made famous and that is associated with her alone, like Oprah or Megan Fox.  Come on, name another ten Lindsay's.  Can't can you.

Lindsay or Lindsey was only number 34 of the top female baby names on the Social Security Administration list in the '90's.  The two names' association Miss Lohan helped them land at a combined number 93 for the 00's.  Popular?  An easy choice?  I think not.  And Lindsay Lohan, herself, helped make those names almost unlikely, dropping in baby-name popularity by 60% in the recently completed decade.

There being no way to know that a just-born daughter will turn into a milkaholic slut, parents now shy away from the iconic "Lindsay".

So, come on, E-Trade.  Who are you kidding?  Your young, clever ad writers probably named their girls Hannah Montana or even Miley, but not, definitely not, Lindsay.

I have studied the YouTube Version of the ad and I do see a slight weakness or two in Lindsay's case.  The baby Lindsay only has about 100 freckles and is not a redhead, although Lindsay isn't either these days.  Otherwise, the kid does remind me of Lindsay Lohan in a slinky bibbed outfit, dancing way beyond nap time.

E-Trade should immediately pay the $100 million and the baby girl who milked-up performance in the ad should make amends with Lindsay by apologizing or offering her a cookie.  E-Trade should get the stood-up girl kid to do a new loop for the ad.  "Was that milkaholic Lindsey--with an "e"--over last night?"

Single name star status restored.  And back in the news, too.