Save the Dying Whales

No, not those whales.  At least, not today.  But like that.

I mean the big newspapers.  The Internet is killing them, along with music, TV and  books, while monetizing teenage chatter.  More and more people, especially those who chatter, get their news from the Web.  I know I do.  Until recently, it was a lot of AP, but Google doesn't need them anymore, either.

We all used to get papers.  We even had to recycle them.  Some of us read them.

Now, I'll bet people line their bird cages with disposable plastic liners instead of that day's Wall Street Journal Editorial Page.  Surely this accounts for the sad, smart-assed birds who still quote Alan Greenspan as an authority on--what was it?--economics.

French President Nicolas Sarkozy--the guy with the supermodel wife--wants Google to pay to a tax to save French newspapers.  And maybe French music, if there has been any since Edith Piaf.

Of course, it sounds silly.

Every once in a long while, a chance comes up to save something big on the verge, as the in the Marine Biologist episode of "Seinfeld".  This one is my latest chance.

Have Google buy everyone a cat.  There are lots of them.

That simple.  Test in France if you want.

People who have or had cats know exactly what I mean.  Open a paper and a cat will walk on it, maybe sleep on it, right over whatever you were reading.  What good is a cat that won't sit in your lap?  Like they actually kill mice very often.

Here's the key.  One of my cats, Lucy Liu, will not sit on my lap.  Six years.  I still have a lap, I know because her sister, Lila, uses it frequently.  Not Lucy Liu. She'll jump up on my desk, my chair, my bed, any table.  My lap?  Nope.

Unless there is newsprint on it.  Even a day old USA Today I oft... once borrowed from a coffee shop.  No matter, Lucy Liu is right there. And Lila watches and waits her turn, however impatiently.

We cat people all know this.  If you have a cat--here comes Google's part--you have to have a newspaper. End of "Dying Whales" crisis.

Oh, yes.  Deprive a cat of his/her newspaper and PETA will send some naked women to spray paint your door.