Scaley Has Jon-Bob Spank Terror-Huggers

Antonin Scaley's black-robed possee dealt terrorist-huggers everywhere a major setback.

Ruling 6 good to 3 not-invited-next-time, the Court ruled that if you give a terrorist group advice or training, you are just as bad as they are.

Scaley's nominal Chief Justice, John Roberts ("Jon-Bob" to friends of this blog), was assigned to write down Scaleys' thoughts on the matter.

Justice Stephen Breyer ("the Ice Man", for obvious reasons), was allowed to disagree in public.  The Ice Man read his dissent aloud so FOX Spews would not lose the text completely.

TBO sent some minions to agree with Scaley's view, although it is not clear where he could find any.  Through them, TBO claimed that "material support", under the Be Unkind To Terrorists statute, meant pretty much anything.  TBO now has more power over Americans that Dick Cheney or The Alice of the Tea Party of Wonderland, Sarah Palin.

According to Jon-Bob, here's it works.  TBO scans the globe (Mars starts next term.  And ha ha).  He then points a finger at a bunch of Sihks, say, singing acapella to their favorite candidate on a Charleston, SC street corner.  That is enough to designate them as a terrorist group, even if TBO was just indicating that he liked the hue of the lead singer's raghe... turban.

Now that, the group is a designated terrorist group, they are off limits for any training or advice, because anything that helps the terrorists, ups their morale, makes them happy--or even less miserable--or better informed is now a waterboarding offence.

Examples Jo-Bob probably meant would be:

Showing a terrorist how to inflate his new Nike's on the subway;

Teaching a terrorist how to surrender;

Giving any New York cabbie directions to Yankee Stadium;

Paying any New York cabbie;

Adding terrorists to your nightly prayer list;

Putting a soaking wet towel on your head in 99 degree heat;

Suggesting, just in passing, that a terrorist consider making peace with infidels;

Broadcasting Sean Hannity (no, wait, it said "better informed");

Showing stills of any Megan Fox scene in which she wears a boostier in "Jonus Hex";

Showing stills of Megan and Brian Austin Green with BAG's face photoshopped out and replaced with that or your favorite blogger;

Explaining a Scaley Court decision;

Offering a terrorist five tiny pretzels on a three-hour USAirways flight that will connect through Philadelphia to anywhere useful;

Feel free to add ideas in comments below.  Do not worry, though, no terrorists read this blog, because it seems to be a big damned secret.

Ragheads (and Hatters) Unite!

It only took a deep South minor league Republican to do it.

Jakie "Not-Really-Webster" Knotts jested about his fear of having a "raghead" in both the White House and the South Carolina Governor's Plantation.  This side-splitter was Jakie's highlight on a June 3rd internet radio show.

It seems that his opponent, Nikki Haley, was born a Sikh and, like TBO, converted to Christianity.  Sikhs are not Muslims, by the way, and their Dastaar brand turban-style hats are no more rags than Jakie's own midnight-white head covering.

As a religious convert and, herself, a name-changer, Nikki should be a soul mate (sorry, Nikki) of Jakie, who converted from Webster to Knotts, as soon as he was old enough to know he was not unusually short, black and a TV star.

Ragheads, anyway, are a large faction of American culture.  If one is old enough, one will remember Catholic women wearing everything from bonnets to doilies to half a spare Kleenex as head coverings before they were allowed to enter a church.  Head rags in places like Pittsburgh and Milwaukee are sometimes called babushkas and there are usually yummy pierogies involved. The Crips and the Bloods Social Clubs popularized certain colors of head-wrappers, called do-rags, to tell each other apart when under stress.

And, Jakie, you probably still ride by night with a bunch of dedicated headcoverers.

So, Jakie, there are lots of ragheads out there, many converted to nonragheadedness, but still feeling (and probably dying) their roots.  You've pissed off a whole lot of voters and some who don't bother with ballots in favor of spraying bullets, swinging baseball bats and knotting ropes.

Worse, Jakie, you've gone up against one Nikki-endorser who should scare you plain sh_tless:  The all-powerful, ubiquitous (that means all over the fraking place, Jakie) The Alice herself, Sarah Palin. Coincidently, she and a dozen really mad Hatters are coming to your neck of the backwoods, accent on neck, just hoping you'll keep on jesting.

Don't think (please), Jakie, don't talk (double please), just hide the hell under the sheets tonight.

Oh.  Like that would be any different.