Subtitle: Oh, Never Mind.
Lately, there has been much ado about the mythical Naples Bay Village that, really, defines South Naples, Florida. The Brigadoonish Naples Bay Village has been the subject of budget-stressed political infighting so fierce that makes national campaigning look like Herman Cain with his hands in his pockets at all times.
No, wait, lest that sentence be parsed by Rick Perry's campaign, substitute “elbow deep in pizza dough at all times.”
For Naples Bay Village, though, it has been all about evaporating budget dollars, daunting debt refinancing, juicy director salaries and a collapsing hooker-based economy. Forget all that.
Baby PIG is coming.
No, not some County Commission-sponsored Bayshore Road farewell block party with hogs on spits over mortgage bonfires .
This PIG baby spells D O O M.
Antarctica seems pretty far away from a toasty place like Naples, especially when you don't keep a decent-sized globe in your living room because the kids hands get stuck in the frame. You know that Antarctica has penguins skating on it. Maybe some poor navigated alien spacecraft buried two hundred miles down. Nice place to visit, not so much, unless you like to look up at nights for holes in the Ozone. In three layers of nano-polyester-filled body-length parkas.
The omnipresent “Scientists” are touting the new PIG baby as bigger than New York or Berlin, depending on where you banked your Greek bonds. Birthers, forget Hawaii and Indonesia, this is bigger than any lineal descendant of Kenya. It's bigger than Al Gore pushing a book on Letterman.
PIG stands for Pine Island Glacier, Antarctica (there being no Counties or Commissioners in Antarctica, that's the pettiest political subdivision available). Again, far, far away and too frakking cold to even think about. Really?
PIG is calving an iceberg as big as any metropolis this side of Oklahoma City. PIG's baby should crack off by Pi Day or April 1st of 2012. These Scientists probably hope it crashes into the ocean by New Year's Eve, so they can dual-purpose the champagne.
To quote Al Gore, “Can you say 'Global Warming?'”
Well...
Actually, PIG gave the world a big iceberg back in 2001 when there hadn't yet been an inconvenient hysterical warming movie to carpet in a suitably warm red. And it has happened plenty in the past, but dinosaurs were notoriously uninvolved in the whole greenhouse gas thing, except, maybe, for contributing a few tons of methane after a late dinner.
For Naples Bay Village of South Naples, Florida, though, both political heat and global warmth will probably be watched through the wavy lens of a yard or two of Bay. Baby PIG is going to melt before long and sea-, Gulf- and Bay-levels will all rise. The Republican Economists (they don't actually have scientists anymore) pooh-pooh such concerns, saying that this happens all the time when the Democrats are in power. Democratic Scientists (they don't actually have economists anymore) say “run like hell to Denver... Uh. Wait, run like hell to Pittsburgh! They have more hills inside their city than fries inside their sandwiches!”
Villagers threatening to Occupy Bayshore Road should calm down. Since the 2007-08 credit freeze, Naples Bay Villagers have been treading water, figuratively, awaiting the return of liquidity, living on hope and unpaid condo fees. Now, the flash political threat to its existence and the negative equity of its real estate is meaningless to the Village. Baby PIG is going to melt and...
You know that liquidity you Villagers so desperately wanted? Over your already upside head.
Brigadoon, at least, got to disappear, neat as an 18-year Scotch, into the romantic mist.
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