Firstian Proximates(tm) Subdue Armada Sissormen

Things have been quiet over in Proximania for weeks.  Or, maybe, you have been too busy watching oil and water mix, badly, in the Gulf of Mexico and Mexicans and Golfers mix, badly, in Arizona.

Well, the Firstians (as in "We Were Here First Before We Weren't-ians") of Proximania saw trouble coming while everyone else was cheering R& Paul and his repeal-Amendments-13-through-14 speechifying and BP's... well, whatever it is BP has been doing.

If you missed it, too, there was huge Armada of six ships teaming with foreigners and steaming for Proximanian waters.  It must have been pretty clear that this Armada might shatter the Firstian blockade and boost the morale and diet of the Strippers faction of the Laterian (as in "We Came Later But Still...") Proximates, led by the dreaded Head-Scarfing Strippers, by landing munitions like falafels and Chinese dry wall.  The lead ship may have had as many as 600 active sissor-wielding blockade-busters.

Perhaps, only the Firstians understand that even air from a Turkish boat is better than Stripper air and, thus, as indirectly toxic to freedom and democracy as a Hatter's Tea Party.  The Armada stubbornly refused to turn tail when confronted by the long-established Firstian blockade. Thus challenged, Firstian commandos to board the Armada, armed to the teeth with annoying paintball weaponry, just as soon as the Armada crossed Proximania's 300 mile limit.

Sissors versus automatic paintball fire?  Ugly enough, but you wouldn't expect anyone would get killed.

In Proximania, anything can happen.  Again.

Fight your reflex against everything paintball, though, before you condemn the Firstians.  Remember, these ships were not exactly the Disney Cruise Liners peopled with charming six-foot mice and sexy Tinkerbells.  These ships had more foreigners on them than a pickup in Tuscon and they were out to break the Firstians favorite blockade come hell or... in this case, just the hell part.

The Firstians had no choice.  Strippers might get ideas or, worse, supper, for once.

Many of these Armadian foreigners were from Turkey and were with the Free Gaza humanitarian and gaming movement, hoping to spur tourism for the Strippers by comping all hotels and meals for those gambling their wallets and lives to visit Stripper venues.

Ironically, Turkey was, until this Armada thing, the Firstian  Proximates closest friend in the Middle East, which may not be saying much.  Needless-to-say, planed joint exercises, such as yoga, paintball war games and a late lunch at Chucky Cheese between the Turks and Firstians are pretty much off.

A lot like The Big O's upcoming tea with Bibi Netanyahu (like either one cares).

And, as usual, when the Firstians defend themselves, foreign protesters hit their foreign streets and vie for TV time with a multimillion dollar plume of crude under the sea, the Greek budget and Shrek.

With the usual success.