The Afghan Plan Part II

I received an email the other day that relieved much of my anxiety over the newly announced Afghanistan Surge. I was supposed to send it along to ten people, etc., but, hey, I was looking for an edge here.

The Big O is going to send just enough troops to Afghanistan to immobilize the Taliban and al Qaeda through unbearable laughter. While they are writhing on the ground, Halliburton will quickly build a huge heroin refinery in Kandahar so that Afghans will get a longer dollar out of their national natural resource, their poppy fields.

The US will guarantee to buy the entire production of the refinery for ten years--unless The Netherlands outbids us in Euros--and use people without health care insurance, such as me, as street-level dealers to distribute these Afghan-US co-branded products. We now gainfully employed can afford to overpay for health care, assuring that Republicans and Lobbyists will rally to the plan.

As part of the plan, medical marijuana will now be free to those with head colds, guaranteeing Democratic support.

By the way, whatever you do, do not buy stock in Methadone clinics.