Firstian Proximates(tm) Subdue Armada Sissormen

Things have been quiet over in Proximania for weeks.  Or, maybe, you have been too busy watching oil and water mix, badly, in the Gulf of Mexico and Mexicans and Golfers mix, badly, in Arizona.

Well, the Firstians (as in "We Were Here First Before We Weren't-ians") of Proximania saw trouble coming while everyone else was cheering R& Paul and his repeal-Amendments-13-through-14 speechifying and BP's... well, whatever it is BP has been doing.

If you missed it, too, there was huge Armada of six ships teaming with foreigners and steaming for Proximanian waters.  It must have been pretty clear that this Armada might shatter the Firstian blockade and boost the morale and diet of the Strippers faction of the Laterian (as in "We Came Later But Still...") Proximates, led by the dreaded Head-Scarfing Strippers, by landing munitions like falafels and Chinese dry wall.  The lead ship may have had as many as 600 active sissor-wielding blockade-busters.

Perhaps, only the Firstians understand that even air from a Turkish boat is better than Stripper air and, thus, as indirectly toxic to freedom and democracy as a Hatter's Tea Party.  The Armada stubbornly refused to turn tail when confronted by the long-established Firstian blockade. Thus challenged, Firstian commandos to board the Armada, armed to the teeth with annoying paintball weaponry, just as soon as the Armada crossed Proximania's 300 mile limit.

Sissors versus automatic paintball fire?  Ugly enough, but you wouldn't expect anyone would get killed.

In Proximania, anything can happen.  Again.

Fight your reflex against everything paintball, though, before you condemn the Firstians.  Remember, these ships were not exactly the Disney Cruise Liners peopled with charming six-foot mice and sexy Tinkerbells.  These ships had more foreigners on them than a pickup in Tuscon and they were out to break the Firstians favorite blockade come hell or... in this case, just the hell part.

The Firstians had no choice.  Strippers might get ideas or, worse, supper, for once.

Many of these Armadian foreigners were from Turkey and were with the Free Gaza humanitarian and gaming movement, hoping to spur tourism for the Strippers by comping all hotels and meals for those gambling their wallets and lives to visit Stripper venues.

Ironically, Turkey was, until this Armada thing, the Firstian  Proximates closest friend in the Middle East, which may not be saying much.  Needless-to-say, planed joint exercises, such as yoga, paintball war games and a late lunch at Chucky Cheese between the Turks and Firstians are pretty much off.

A lot like The Big O's upcoming tea with Bibi Netanyahu (like either one cares).

And, as usual, when the Firstians defend themselves, foreign protesters hit their foreign streets and vie for TV time with a multimillion dollar plume of crude under the sea, the Greek budget and Shrek.

With the usual success.

Arizona Passes. In Kentucky: Ru Paul Son Wears TP Well

Politics makes stange bedfellows, the saying goes.

"Throw the Bums Out!"  Great, and fittingly throwback, slogan.

Now combine them.

You surely love the spunk of the Tea Party of Wonderland ("TP" on this blog) and their attitude of take-and-torture-prisoners, like Jack Bauer used to when he was calm.  But getting into bed with Ru Paul and his son, R& Paul?

No offense Ru, but uh huh.

And this is in Kentucky?  The place didn't allow Ru's people on its storied basketball team until last month.  Give or take.  And still won't allow women, no matter their origin, on its men's team.

And if any one exemplifies "Choice", it is Ru Paul!

Perhaps, TP doesn't care whose butt it favors as long as it TP's some establishment bum, as he/she (no pun intended) flees the political woods. They sure helped R& chase Republican-designee Trey Grayson (almost certainly the protagonist of a Stuart Woods or John Grisham novel) right back to his cozy smoke-filled room.

Wait a second?  Didn't the whole TP thing start with movable gatherings of bunches of hazing-crazed Republican frat boys? (But don't call them Greeks these days.) Well, yes, it did, but it has become so more than the still-included close encounter with a teabag and midnight snipe hunt.

TP just hates the Federal Government so much that it will travel over hundreds of miles to put the wipe on anyone wearing a lapel flag pin bearing more than 44 stars.

In fairness, some more modern-minded TP'ers accept the 2009 Republican version of the wearable Stars and Stripes, which sports 49 tiny stars, the island Hawaii being considered part of Indonesia.

And the colorful gray Stars and Bars lapel pin, with its barely noticeable silver medal finish, is always cheered at TP port-a-rallies.

So it is that R& Paul will be gunning (metaphorically one hopes) for a Socialist (TP for "Democrat") bureaucrat in November.  Any of you Democrats thinking you can Obalm Kentucky are in for a very rude awakening.

That will be Ru and R& Paul snoring right beside you.