GOP to Cut Pi Day by 4.5%?

Or maybe a little more than 4.50703%.

Pi Day (March 14th for those who read other blogs) went by this year with nary a circular blogument.  Fortunately, some types never forget.  The Republicans are celebrating by legislating Pi to 3.000000000.  No more of Pi's endless decimal point extensions, like it was a national debt or something.

The GOP say,"We want it to be an even 3."

This without a hint of irony.

Why?  Well our kids are too stupid to handle all those decimal places, even with all their iPhone apps and endless Facebook Friends to help.

Martha Roby, a Republican Congressperson from Alabama, is the intellectual force behind HR 205.  This bill seeks to simplify geometry, which was pretty much Greek anyway, but before they went broke.  In fact, Martha probably figures (if she does such things) that all that complicated Greek stuff caused their debt crisis.

"Endless numbers are hard to follow," she would likely say.  "Like the Chinese."

Democrats, rightly for a change, seem to fear Gobal Warming will be replaced by Global Ovaling. Or, worse, Global Egging.  That is really hard to clean up.

House Speaker John Boehner, with a name like a German physist to give him at least some gravitas, warned that circles are too complicated and that the French may soon be smarter than American 5th graders.  Boehner's state, Ohio, was laid out in straight lines and is way easier to understand than elitist Massachusetts with all those circular rotaries that some poor drivers went around more than Pi times looking for SSE.

And the best early approximation of Pi was made by Archimedes, from a town named Syracuse, from before Jimmy Brown or the Final Four.  Yes, you non-elitists, the guy in the bathtub.

Again, Greek.

Argue all you want, but at least the unafraid John and Martha will replace that ridiculously hard π thing.  "3" is something any American high schoolers can draw, unless California takes back their pencils.

Now, students, try to figure out when the hell will Pi Day be honored.

Post script:  It turns out the story was not entirely true, being mostly a hoax by some lame columnist (not a blogger).  Republicans are running, yes, in circles trying to find out what part was untrue.

Far Far Away Blesses Civil Unions

Figures.  Get your guy elected President and all hell breaks loose.

Who even knew Hawaii had gays and lesbians, let alone Anna Paquins?  Isn't it all pineapples, leis and surfing?  Is there a gay or lesbian on "Lost"?

Most non-Hawaiian Americans bristle at the idea of a "Civil Union".  How odd.  After all, some distinguished Bloggers' own mothers were wed at least once in purely civil ceremonies.  Whether they subsequently soared up to Heaven or kayaked the Styx is another story for another blog.

The US (less Arizona, of course) has a Constitution that says, "Please leave religion pretty out of the law books."  It is othen said that between law and religion America has erected a Chinese Dry Wall.  If you wall off religion from marriage, say replace the rabbi, minister or priest with a judge, Elvis or The Love Boat's Captain Stubbing what do you get?

Uh huh.

The government simply deputizes religious officials to perform the civil bonding of individuals--and probably, now, corporations--and if the souls get hooked, too, well, that's just for the parents and their friends.  The Honeymoon is something else altogether.

Howt about "What God has Joined, Let no Man put Asunder"?  That is pure religion and about as yesterday as Latin.  Dozens of men put asunder their joint-ships every day and take fire hydrants along for the ride, the latter clearly a civil matter.  Under the First Amendment, God does not get to own any fire hydrants in this country.

Politicians already know this, which explains John Edwards Syndrome.  But not the actual haircut.

Think about those weddings performed at City Hall.  They are clearly nothing but civil unions, executed without the holy water or glass-breaking.  Kissing the bride is something else altogether.

In US law, then, only the civil union part matters; the religious part is on the far side of the Dry Wall with the included embalming vapors and the corroded copper piping.  So, get out the dictionary and the Elmer's glue.  We are Americans and we redefine terms all the time:  For example, a jump to 27.24% interest rates used to be called "usury" or "loan sharking" but is now called "your Amex default rate".  (You get to plug in your own examples, like Visa or Macy's, so as to keep this post short.)

Starting today, all the atheists and their near-atheist kin, the liberals and moderates, can proudly state, from now on, that they are "civil unionized" instead of married.

Doesn't have much a lilt to it, does it?

Better to call on the Old English for a suggested rewording:  Wedlock is what's left of the Old English words wed and lac, which combine for pledge-giving; and, we already freely substitute wed for marry. That should please Republicans and TP'ers, who long for the good old days, but hate Latin.

And wedlock echoes nicely of ball and chain, too.